We were listening to latest song by Bieber featuring DJ Snake the other day on our way home from Rawang, and I remember asking Along how come he always manage to come out with new singles, like non stop. And Along just casually said, " Sebab dia rajin..."
I teman mom to Rawang again tadi and we were talking about school. I miss high school. I mean school was just, so great. So much fun. You dont have the pressure of life and death, I mean all you have to do was just studying. I mean the social pressure was so bad, like so stupid as hell. But everything else, everything else were just so easy. And then you masuk college and everything is different. The studying is hard, and if you dont make it your life will just I mean with all loans and shits you will just be as dead.
But I mean, I'm on my way to graduate so.. I just, I mean, there was time where going back to Jordan felt just as fun, but not this time. This time it felt different, like it's somekind of undone business, like something incomplete.
And then mom just said, "... you got to do your best kaklang...One last year..."
I know.
I want to do my best, I mean I have all the luxuries to do so. I'm young, I got the energy, I have the best teachers, I got the time, and I got the medium to do my best. I mean I'm a fucking medical student. I got a very very honorable job. Like I'm doing something extremely kind. What a job to have. What a blessing.
But for that very same reason I'm also very afraid. I told mom this a thousand time, this is so hard. Doing medicine is so hard. And mom reminded me of a story where this one person has always find his way back to doing engineering like every freaking time he wanted to do something else he just cant.
I wanted to believe that.
I am meant for this.
Bismillah.
5 days to go.